I live my life in a quiet , constant struggle deciding what to do.

There are 4 things that I want to spend most of my "free" time doing.

1. Quality time with family

2. Read books for pleasure

3. Read technical books to "sharpen my saw" and improve technically

4. Do my own projects, work on the things that are interesting to me.

I spend most of my time doing #1 and #2. #3 and #4 suffering, lagging behind. I want to do something about it. It's tough because I can basically always sit back and do 1, and 2. (No, not that #1 and #2, jeez) 3 and 4 require a higher degree of concentration and a large amount of time. I can't just write code in 15 minute intervals. I need to figure out a way to do squeeze technical improvements into my schedule.

The importance of a sense of purpose

Since graduation, I've been reading a lot of good books just for the fun of it. However, I am starting to feel like I need something else, like a big project. A few months ago, (actually, now that I think about it, it was more like a couple of years ago) I was thinking of a startup, after taking that entrepreneurship course at UF, I prefer to do project that won't consume my whole life. Something like doing apps or creating a nice web page. Learn a few programming languages a year, write a serious, interesting tool or application. That kind of stuff that requires some effort, but can be put down in case something else comes up.

I enjoy myself more when I have a sense of purpose in my day to day routine. For me is simple, yet not easy. I live in constant struggle to better myself. I understand that I have limitations, but I strive to get past them. How do I better myself? By working on my character, by working on being a more decent human being, specially to those that are close to me. I attempt to understand what makes a good husband, to be a good parent, and a good friend, this is difficult, yet it's important. In fact, I consider this The Most Important Thing.

The other personal challenge I have is that I want to become number one in my field, that's also a difficult task, being an engineer is hard enough, being a great engineer requires constant effort, it's not enough to do one's job right, one must also push the boundary.

So that is the reason for my inner struggle, on one hand I have this engulfing desire to better myself, on the other hand, there are pleasurable things that I can be doing that don't necessarily help me improve but that are just as important. Spending time with my family doing nice things is super important to me. Watching movies, enjoying a quiet dinner with Martha. Curling up with a good novel. Playing soccer with friends, all these things sum up to what I call "the good life"

That's all I have.

J.V.