20 Years of Blogging

 Wow, 20 years go by so quickly. 

I started writing this blog in 2005, my life was changing...for good, but it was happening so quickly I realized the magnitude of what was to come. 20 years ago I had been married for a little over 2 years, October would be the 3 year anniversary. But we really started living together as a married couple March 2004 when I got back from Iraq. In May 2005 we would learn that my wife was pregnant, 20 weeks along and we didn't know it! We had put money down for our first home, it was a pre-construction in Margate FL. I had  a 6-month "Co-op" (longer internship) with IBM, my first tech job. I had completed roughly half of my undergraduate classes. It was really my wife and I. 

The thought of becoming a parent changed the way I saw myself and the way I saw the world.  I wanted (I still do) to be a good father. To be a better father than mine, I wanted to raise good people. I was looking for a way to discover myself, since I thought there is no "handbook" to being a parent. 

Well it turns out, there have been pretty good books written on the subject, I just didn't know it. I now realize that yeah, everyone's life a bit different and you have to make decisions on a case by case basis. That doesn't mean that you can't educate yourself. 

In any case, 20 years have gone by, my oldest daughter is a freshman at UW and my youngest is a Senior in high school. I am very proud of them. 

Now begins a new chapter. We are going to be empty-nesters. New transition in life. I look forward to it, but I am a bit scared, same as I was when my kids were about to be born. 

We put so much of our personality and efforts into being parents, once the kids are gone, what is left? 

There are many things to do, places to go, sights to see. I look forward to see what's in store. NGL, it's intimidating. 

-JV

10 New Books to Feed Your Mind

This is probably spam, but this article came up on my google chrome feed:

The 10 New Books to Feed Your Mind

Since I'm a sucker for reading lists, and this is a subject dear to my heart, I'm gonna go ahead and copy/pasta the whole thing here. (sorry not sorry)

One thing we can all control this year is the information that we let into our heads. As I reviewed this winter’s new releases, I had three filters: screen out what’s inaccurate, impractical, and uninteresting.

My recommended reads to start 2025 are brimming with thought-provoking ideas and data points—and they won’t put you to sleep. The common threads are improving communication and relationships, increasing happiness and well-being, and igniting change.

Communication and Relationships

1. Calling In by Loretta Ross (February 4)

This book is the ultimate antidote to cancel culture. Drawing on her extensive experience talking people out of hate, a teacher and activist offers profound insights about how to get through to others—and maintain your own dignity along the way.

2. Validation by Caroline Fleck (February 18)

Warning: reading this book may make you a better parent, partner, colleague, and friend. A talented therapist offers a crash course in important and neglected skills for building, maintaining, and repairing relationships.

3. Ping by Andrew Brodsky (February 11)

Finally: an evidence-based guide to having better conversations by text, email, phone, video, and yes, even social media. An expert on virtual communication offers surprising insights and useful tips for avoiding misunderstandings and making genuine connections.

4. Outraged by Kurt Gray (January 14)

A riveting read on the roots of our bitterest conflicts—and the remedies for them. A leading light in moral psychology overturns widespread assumptions about why we’re divided and illuminates how we can come together.

Happiness and Well-Being

5. Shift by Ethan Kross (Feb 4)

If you think you can’t control what you feel, get ready to think again. This is a page-turner from a top psychologist that’s grounded in science and filled with practical insights on managing emotions.

6. Life in Three Dimensions by Shigehiro Oishi (February 4)

It turns out that there’s more to life than happiness and meaning. Building on his pioneering research, this psychologist introduces a third dimension of the good life: having new and interesting experiences.

Change

7. Defy by Sunita Sah (January 14)

A powerful book about overcoming peer pressure by a physician turned management professor. If you’ve ever compromised your principles to please others, Defy will give you the will—and the skill—to stand up for yourself.

8. Reset by Dan Heath (January 21)

One of my favorite behavioral science communicators explores how to fix what’s broken. It’s the long-awaited sequel to Switch.

9. Make Work Fair by Iris Bohnet and Siri Chilazi (January 28)

Whereas many discussions of DEI are driven by ideology, this book is grounded in evidence. It’s a timely resource for building workplaces that create opportunities for everyone to succeed and belong.

10. Superagency by Reid Hoffman and Greg Beato (January 28)

The influential entrepreneur-investor highlights the risks of not making advances in AI and reveals how it’s poised to transform our lives. It will leave you more informed—and excited—about the revolution that’s already underway.

My Review of "All Fours by Miranda July on Goodreads

All Fours by Miranda July
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Just finished reading this and wow. I'm still processing what I just read. I gotta say, I really, really liked this book, but I don't know if it's everyone's cup of tea.

This novel is a first-person, stream-of -thought narrative of a successful person, she has it all, a successful career (she's "semi-famous") a precious child, a successful husband ("he's a good man") big house in the LA suburbs. She's supposed to go on a 3-week trip to New York by car. Instead of driving to New York, she stops at a motel 30 minutes from her house. Then things start to go from weird to wild. Then full blown insane. I could not stop reading this book, I kept trying to see where this was going but I could not.

I picked up this book almost by accident, it was on a list of favorite books of 2024 or something like that. However, I noticed a lot of themes in the story: women's issues, trauma, sex, infidelity, marriage, mental health, women's health (which deserves more attention) menopause. The book is very funny in some parts but it can get dark. It's witty, insightful and I felt like the author had "SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY" but I could not put my finger on what exactly.

Some passages were disorienting by design, like, sometimes it's hard to say what parts of the story, like really happened versus it being fantasy or dream the character is having. The story is about a person losing her marbles and doing one crazy thing after the next. It's hard for me to say how the reader (or author) is supposed to feel about the main character, are we supposed to sympathize? see their humanity and not judge, are we supposed to see ourselves in her. Are we supposed to be impartial witnesses? or this question just missing the point of the book? Maybe yes to all of the above.

I think it's telling that the author has been in a podcast with Dr. Esther Perel, the famous author on relationships and sexuality. This would explain why the author is very open about women's sexuality, I had no idea there would be so much erotic and sexual content. If you are a prude or easily shocked, yeah, this book ain't for you.

I think that a lot of people will enjoy reading this book, specially women of a certain age. You will see topics that don't usually get covered in popular mass media. What is it like to go through menopause? How does aging differ between men and women? How should we think about parenting in the year 2025. How do you deal with the anger that comes after a trauma?

This book is extremely relevant in the age of Trump. Now that women's rights are literally under attack, we all need to fight back...anyway, I digress. This is a good book. Everyone should read it. Not everyone will enjoy it. I loved it because it helped me see the world through different lenses. I made me widen my perspective. Excellent book by Miranda July

View all my reviews

December 15 2002

 

M and I got married in October of 2002. Oct 10th to be precise. We drove to the courthouse in Fort Lauderdale to get hitched. I remember it was a weekday, the air was warm the sky was bright, a typical "fall" day in Florida. It was just the two of us when we got officially married, a random stranger was the official witness. We splurged and paid the extra $5 to get our picture taken. 

We had a wedding ceremony December 15th 2002. It was a small ceremony, conducted in Spanish at a  church in Margate FL. My aunt presided the ceremony.  A few close friends showed up. One friend from the Marines was there (you know who you are, thank you) a few friends from the University were there.  ( I had just completed the Fall Semester of '02, my fifth) M saw something in me and decided that I was her person. I wanted to live up to her expectations. I have fallen short of that, but I haven't stopped trying to be the person she deserves.  I still remember her walking down the aisle and her hands were shaking when we were at the altar. I remember the kiss at the end and walking into the cool December air. 

I don't want to say we are perfect, we are not. I want to say that I am lucky and that I am thankful for sharing my life with this woman. I am lucky and grateful that she made me a father, that she taught me how to be a good man. 

December 15th 2002 was a cool day for South Florida standards. I don't know the precise temps all I know is that it was deliciously cool. After the wedding we went to Embassy Suites on 17th Street causeway, we were so tired we literally crashed and went to sleep right away, the reception took all our energy.  The next day we drove to Orlando to Universal Studios FL for a one-day honeymoon. 

Less than one month later I would be back in active duty as an infantry sergeant in the 124th Infantry Regiment as a member of the Florida Army National Guard.  3 months after my wedding my unit got deployed to go to Iraq. I saw my wife again Dec 15th 2003 for two weeks of leave,  my deployment ended in March 2004 15 months total. 

I like to think that we had 3 honeymoons, the first one was that one day after the wedding that we went to Orlando. A year later we saw each other when I was granted leave from Combat, we flew to NYC for a few days. The real honeymoon though, what I consider our real honeymoon was a couple of months after I came back from Iraq. 

I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, but it must have gone like:

Me: "So I've never been to Epcot or MGM Studios"

M: "What?! no way, so you are telling me you have lived in Florida all this time and never been?"

Me: "that's correct"

M: "we need to fix that"

In the Spring of 2004 we went to every single Disney Park in the Orlando area. I think of that week as the real honeymoon, because our true life as a married couple started then. 

Anyway, if you are reading this, thank you for reading. Just wanted to share what's on my mind today. I don't want to give the impression that everyday is easy or great. I just want to say that I feel very lucky to have met such a wonderful woman. M is the best thing that has happened to me. 

-JV

Debunking the Myth of the Illegal Immigrant Crime Wave

 The myth that immigrants are more likely to commit violent crimes than native-born Americans is false and has been debunked by research again and again. The myth persist thanks to Fox News and right-wing politicians. 

Why does this myth persists? 

Number one is that propaganda works. There's numerous research done that people end up believing a lie after listening to it, over and over. It's called the Illusory Truth Effect  Violent crimes committed by people of color are over-represented in the media. The more you see it in the news the more you associate crime with immigration. Heck, this blog post probably will end up reinforcing the link. But what can I say? 

Number two fear of the "other" is human nature, blaming problems on a scape-goat, specially if the group you blame cannot fight back makes an useful diversion tool. Politicians use illegal immigrant crimes as a tool to get people outraged. GOP and right-wingers love to talk about crime rates when in fact crime has been at its lowest since the 90's (According to the FBI crime data) 

The incarceration rate of White US-Born people has been higher than Immigrants for the past 60 years:

Source 

Immigrants in general and Undocumented immigrants in particular come here to work and to escape really crappy conditions. Not to commit crimes. However, the media and politicians will make you think otherwise, let's face it, why let reality get in the way of a profitable fantasy? Fear of immigrants will get more views, and more views means more ad revenue,  scary stories of the brown rapist will get politicians elected it's such an easy racket. Who is going to stand up for the illegals? Who will Speak Up for them?  Democrats? 

Trip to London

 Just got back from London. 

It was a "quick" trip, but we packed a lot. We stayed in Victoria right behind Buckingham Palace. The king was pulling in the palace when we were getting dropped off from the airport. The place was okay. The rooms small, but the service was good. 

Thursday:

Arrive. Walk around Hyde Park, take the bus to the Jellycat Toy Shop. Apparently that's supposed to be a big thing, I had no idea until that day. Get some much-needed sleep. 

Friday 

Day Tour to Windsor, Stonehenge and Bath.  Saw the sights, our daughter and her boyfriend had not seen it. Babe and I did last time we were there, we liked the tour so much we did it again with them. 

Saturday 

Victoria and Albert Museum and then met up with my daughter's boyfriend's family. We walked around Harrods which was crowded but nice. Later that day we went to dinner at a famous Italian restaurant. 

Sunday 

Shakespeare's Globe guided tour. Our guide was quite funny made it interesting. The Globe is a replica of the theater where they would have shown the bard's plays. I bought a book about "how to read Shakespeare" so I look forward to that. 

We walked to Tower London (in the rain) and then went for afternoon tea. 

 

Monday

Borough Market in the morning. Then met up with Martha's friend from the internet! at London Bridge, talked, had lunch and then we walked from there to Covent Gardens. We did a lot of walking and some shopping. Later we did the Xmas Winter Wonderland. 

Tuesday 

Fly back. Left Tuesday at 1 PM London time, arrived Tuesday 3 PM Seattle time, so the trip took 2 hours :)

Conclusion:

So this was an action-packed short trip. Yet, I feel ready to get back to work. I read a few interesting books on the trip, so I'll post the review of those books on Goodreads. 

London is cold and rainy just like Seattle, it was big, full of lights, the energy gives me New York vibes with Victorian architecture. The accent is catchy, so I had to make an effort not to talk like Londoners because I cannot pull that off. 

I had a great time. Now back to work. 

-JV