Monday, February 13, 2006

What the TUT?

People at museums say the darnest things. The Boy King would roll over in his tomb if he heard some of the things being said at his exhibit.

Welcome to South Florida your Majesty.

"Tut. We're at the Tut thing. Downtown Fort Lauderdale. Yeah … No. Tut. King Tut. The mummy. I don't know. I guess it's an art museum. The building with the stairs out front. Right across from the fountain. No, we'll eat after. Meet us here. Everybody's here."

These comments are almost as priceless as the treasures being shown:

Reactions to the treasures

Entranceway approaching Temple of Amun
"This is where Britney Spears got her ideas for her outfits."

Cosmetic container in the form of a duck
"So, makeup goes way back."

Statuette of a leonine goddess
"It looks like something I saw on eBay."
"That's a bear."

Staff depicting a Nubian captive
Sidney: "Look at how long that cane is. He had to be over 6 feet tall."
Cheryl: "But they said he was a tiny man."
Sidney: "Not if he used that cane he wasn't."
Cheryl [to her friend]: "Pat, Sidney says he had to be over 6 feet tall to use that cane."
Ben: "That's not a cane. It's a staff. It's used as a sign of power, not to … "
Cheryl: "But Sidney says … "
Ben: "Well, Sidney's an idiot."

Bust of a cow goddess
"Their god was a cow?"

Colossal statue of Amenhotep IV
"That'd make a great waterfall at our complex."

Gilded funerary mask of Tjuya
"They should melt it down for teeth."

Ceremonial dagger
"I'd like to take that knife fishing with me and git-r-done."

Wall inscription reading, "He was the son of Amenhotep III and Queen Tiye and probably the father of Tutankhamun"
" 'Probably.' Everything's 'probably this' and 'probably that.' I'm sick of that. Are they just making it up as they go? Probably. I probably should have stayed home."

Part of a balustrade depicting Akhenaten and his family under the sun god
"Is that a basketball?"

Photos depicting how items in Tut's tomb were found
"It looks just like my garage."
"I'd hate to be stuck for all eternity with everything in my apartment."

Face from a composite statue of Nefertiti
"She looks like one of the Coneheads from Saturday Night Live."

From their mouths to the sun god's ears

In the ticket line
"Twenty-five dollars! I thought you said it was $8. Forget it; I'm not going to have any money left for Quiznos."

In the souvenir shop
"Chocolate Tut!"

Best searching-for-a-place-to-sit-down quote
"I'm going into the next period to see if there's a bench."

The past meets the present
A grade-school chaperone: "The valley of the kings was used from approximately 1550 B.C. to 1070 and contains some 80 tombs. If you have to go to the bathroom, go now!"

Requisite religious comment
"This guy was here before Jesus? [Then] who cares?"

What's the big deal?
"He wasn't famous for anything, right? I mean, he didn't do anything special. He was just a 13-year-old who died, and they found his bones, right?"

Revelation upon spotting photo of mustachioed excavator entering Tut's tomb
"See the guy in the picture? It is Geraldo. I told you."

Best exchange beside video projection of Tut's mummy onto slab
"He has such skinny ankles."
"That's just bone, you moron."

Simply astounding quotes
"Boy, they really did a nice job re-creating all this stuff."
"This is pretty, whatever it is."
"These are real?"

Keeping up with the Tutankhamuns
"I don't give a fuck what King Tut had. He still didn't have more jewelry than me."

Most romantic remark in front of a statue of the serpent goddess
"The serpent goddess wants to give you a hug."

As they were leaving

"I've seen better in Vegas."

"I guess I'm a very shallow museumgoer, but I wanted to see some dead people."

"I left my Xbox for this?"

"I'm going to the restroom. I've been holding it in since 1330."

Thanks to
Joanie Cox and T.M. Shine from City Link Magazine,
they were kind enough to write down this and other quotes in their article.

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